ESL 21B, 1383
July 6, 2007
Essay 1.2, Topic #2
Do you know anything about Japan?{1} Foreign visitors should know aboutAwkward {***}Vague Japan as much as they can because if they know about it, they are more likely to understand what is going on when they visit toCut Japan. That is to say, their visit to Japan is going to be more comfortable if they have some perceptionsVague about it. {***}Choppy There are some cultural patterns in Japan that I think foreign visitors should be aware of in order to adjust more easily and avoid intercultural conflicts and misunderstandings even though Japanese culture thatCut is actually mixed up with a lot of cultures, particularly western cultures is globally recognized well.
First of all, it is one of the customs that Japanese people take shoes off when they enter the home from out side and then they generally wear scuffs in rooms. It is one of the traditional Japanese customs but it is probably an unusual custom all over the WorldVague; therefore, foreign visitors may wonder and be surprised aboutPreposition it because there isS/VAgreement a lot of people from different cultures {***}Conj/Trans never take shoes off except {***}Conj/Transtaking shower and bath. This custom which isAwkward taking shoes off is actually of advantage that we can keep rooms clean.
Second, Japanese people basically bow as greeting instead of shake hands and hug although they actually occasionally shake hands. They do itReference not clear generally on {***}Art street when they meatSpl familiar, in school when every class is going to start, and in business even though a way to greet people asAwkward shake hands and hug may be more common style than bowing in the world. Lisa Davis talks about "personal space" like distance, voice, and how to contactAwkward (20). GreetingSing/Plu may be related to "personal space" because it is the way to get contactAwkward and make relationship more comfortable. GreetingSing/Plu is generally considered to be important thing that people are supposed to do; therefore, foreign visitors should know that bowing is usually basic way to greet people in Japan.
Third, Japanese people eat noodles with making soundsAwkward because they suckWChoice noodles. AArt way to eatWForm noodles with making sounds because of sucking is actually considered to be a good mannerSing/Plu, especially when they eat Japanese noodles like Udon, Soba, and Ramen, they are supposed to make sounds.Cut Why it is considered to be good manner even if it is Italian food is because the sounds that are made by sucking noodle represent tastiness. In other words, the sounds make people feel like eating it. Foreign visitors should understand about it because they may think eating noodles noisily is supposed to beCut considered to be aCut bad manner{***}Sing/Plu.
Finally, Japanese society is generally very strict on punctuality. Japanese people seem like they value punctuality; therefore, time is very accurate wherever it isAwkward. "Social Time; The Heartbeat of Culture" by Robert Levine and Ellen Wolff{***}Punctuation talks about the pace of life in six countries (30). It states Japan is number one ofPreposition accuracy of bank clocks, walking speed, and post office speed. Why it is so is probably because Japanese people try to be inPreposition time {***}Preposition whatever they do. If a student is late for school, the student may be punished or school's front gate may be closed. Even in business, if an employee of a company is late for worksCount/Non-Count or any kind of meetingsSing/Plu witchSpl are usually hadAwkward fistSpl thing in the morning, the employee may be also punished and may not be able to get promoted. Punctuality is the soul of business. People must be on time or I would say that they must be in time whatever they doRepetition. {***}Choppy By contrast, Robert Levine states that Brazilian society is generally not strict on punctuality, for instance students are generally late for school and they do not mind about it. (Time Talks, with an Accent by Robert Levine){2}
To conclude, foreign visitors should know and understand about Japan as much as they canRepetition because there are some customs, cultural patterns, and cultural values that are different from their countries one. In short, if they knowRepetition about Japan, their visit to Japan is going to be more and moreCut comfortable, understandingParallel, and fun.
| Instances | Description |
| 1 | Subject/verb agreement error |
| 2 | Article error |
| 2 | Conjunction/Transition error |
| 1 | Count/non-count error |
| 6 | Cut -- this text is not necessary |
| 1 | Parallel construction problem |
| 4 | Wrong or misused preposition |
| 5 | Singular/plural error |
| 1 | Punctuation |
| 3 | Repetition of information or phrase |
| 3 | Spelling |
| 3 | Vague reference |
| 1 | Poor word choice |
| 1 | Word form |
| 8 | Awkward sounding but understandable phrases/sentences. Non-idiomatic. |
| 1 | |
| 2 | The text seems choppy here, as if it jumps from one idea to another without making a smooth connection or understanding why. |