ESL21B Section-1383

7/6/7

ESSAY 1.2

    There are many kinds of culture and tradition in the world. ItReference not clear is also different values and assumptions {***}Prepositioneach countries. There is something that is polite in your country but noWForm {***}Prepositionother countries. InCut my country which is Japan has a cultural pattern which a foreign visitor should know in order to get used to easily and avoid intercultural problems such as Japanese communication style , concept of time and values.

    The first oneReference not clear is that Japanese people believe that punctuality{1} is one of manners. They keep timeWChoice when there is some appointment or some things even they meet their friends. {***}ChoppyAccording to the article " Time Talks, with an Accent", Brazilian don't believe seriously to punctuality. For example, most students are late about twenty-minute or something even the class and some appointments. Robert Levine was often bewildered, frustrated, fascinated, and obsessed by the customs and idea of social time of Brazil. Japanese people may feel same things like the author when foreigners who don't care punctuality such as Brazilian came to Japan. Punctuality is one of ways which know human nature in Japan.{2}

    The second oneReference not clear is that Japanese people bow as etiquette when they meet and talk to elder. In my experiences , I've never seen such a thing in the United State even though a lot of people who are foreigners live here. According to the article " American values and assumptions", their notions of equality lead Americans to be quite informal in their general behavior and in their relationship with other people. It is kind of special etiquette, so most foreign visitor may don't knowVForm it. However, some of Japanese elder mind to younger peopleAwkward even for a foreign visitor because they assume that bowing to elder is natural greeting. One day whichWChoice I still was in Japan, my grand father was indignant about a foreign visitor. The reason was that his manner was terrible. He said that a foreign visitor should learn some Japanese culture such as bowing if come to Japan.{3}

    The third oneReference not clear is {***}Conj/TransJapanese values isS/VAgreement little different from other countries. According to the article "American values and Assumptions", Americans admire heroes who haveWChoice those individuals {***}Conj/Transsuch as doing something first, longest, most often, or otherwise "best". In Japan, such a person is also admired by many people, but they don't talk and do discussionAwkward so much with other people compareWForm with the other countries. For example, when I was talking to my French friend about each country, he was proudly telling about Zinedine Yazid Zidane, French soccer player and respected by not only France but also many people who play soccer in the world. I have theArt person who I admire very much, but I didn't talk about him at the time. Then he said that you should talk to many people who isn'tS/VAgreement Japanese about your country such as the person who is admired in Japan. Moreover, he misunderstood that Japanese people don't respect their country so much. We respect many things but there is no custom such a thingAwkward. Most foreign visitor may not understand what Japanese is thing about any things , first.???

    Japanese cultural pattern is kind of special and different from Europe and America, and it is hard for foreign visitors to understand and adjust. However, there are not only bad things, but also good things in Japanese cultural pattern@which you may know special politeness and custom. Therefore, foreign visitors should know those things which I explained in order to adjust easily and avoid intercultural problems in Japan.

 

Grade 68

Statistics

InstancesDescription
2Subject/verb agreement error
1Article error
2Conjunction/Transition error
1Cut -- this text is not necessary
2Wrong or misused preposition
1Verb form
3Poor word choice
2Word form
1Incomprehensible text
3Awkward sounding but understandable phrases/sentences. Non-idiomatic.
4
1The text seems choppy here, as if it jumps from one idea to another without making a smooth connection or understanding why.
Negative total: 23
Positive total: 0

 

Feedback (1)
Your ideas need to be more fully developed, discussed, and supported.

Your topic sentences should ideally not only introduce what topic you'll be discussing in a given paragraph but also explain how the "controlling idea" of the thesis is being supported.

Your essay is too short and does not meet my length requirements, 875 to 1250 words (3.5 to 5.0 pages).

What are possible negative consequences if this cultural pattern is not followed?
X