Essay #1-2

InCut every different countriesSing/Plu has it's own culture, therefore Taiwan maybe is a weird country compareWForm to some foreign countries. For example, Taiwanese religious celebrations are totally different from western style celebrations, transportation, and language is also part of our culture.

    Every country has its most popular religion that people believe in; in Taiwan Buddhism is the most popular religion. People believe Buddha is alive, theyS/VAgreement does all the miracles to save people just like Jesus to American society. By wanting to thank Buddha, people contributesS/VAgreement food, fruit, snack, and drinks to the temple before the celebration day comes, the celebration day is usually the particular Buddha's birthday. InPreposition the morning of the celebration day, young strong maleSing/Plu wouldCut carry a sedan chair with Buddha on it, walking around the area this particular Buddha takes care of. And everyone who lives around would come out and have fun with the rest of the people. Which I believe it is pretty much different from Christian celebrations, we do the celebration outside having fun, but Christians mostly staysS/VAgreement inside and pray.

    In America, people says car indicatesWChoice your legs, since America is so wide, places were build separately, it takes too much time just by walking. Scooters are mostly used in Taiwan, everything were built closely in Taiwan, because of the small area. Scooters are cheaper than cars, and it is easier to find a space to park, when traffic is jammed, scooters are always easier to get through, gas for scooter would not cost as much as a car too, cars are still available on the street, but may not be as much as America. Also buses in most parts of Taiwan are never on time, so if you visit Taiwan in the future, do not take bus. After growing up in a place which buses are usually on time, cars are the mostly used, it may be difficult to live in Taiwan.

    Most of the people in Taiwan speak mandarin; some only speaks Taiwanese, or both. Mandarin speakers mostly speaks calm, but Taiwanese speakers speak loud and includesWChoice a lots of body movements,{***}Punctuation sometimes when they are offering somethingVague, and you gently refused it, they will statSpl yelling at you saying "come on, this is real good, it is not easy to get around here, just have it!" thenCapitalization , they will grab your hands and give it to you, after you receive it, they becomes calm again, it is a way for them to show their friendliness, they always want you to have something good, or at least they think so. But they mean you no harm, they are nice, next time give them something in the same way, they will be very happy. It is totally different to show niceness in America, they offer something to you and if you do not want it at the first time they would not ask again, but in Taiwan refuse few time means you are polite.

    Most people in taiwan do not talk to strangers on the street, but they are still nice, they are willing to help you, but you will have to find someone who speaks the language you understand to help you, other wise they will just wave their hands and say I don't knowPunctuation in Chinese, if you have a chance to visit taiwanCapitalization, people are {***}MissingW, food are delicious, and have fun,{***}Punctuation don'tCapitalization forget the things that are different about America and Taiwan.

 

Grade 65

Statistics

AbbreviationDescription
S/VAgreementSubject/verb agreement error
CapitalizationCapitalization error
CutCut -- this text is not necessary
MissingWMissing word or words
PrepositionWrong or misused preposition
Sing/PluSingular/plural error
PunctuationPunctuation
SplSpelling
VagueVague reference
WChoicePoor word choice
WFormWord form

 

Feedback (1)
Your essay is too short and does not meet my length requirements, 875 to 1250 words (3.5 to 5.0 pages).

Your ideas need to be more fully developed, discussed, and supported.

Your thesis statement should ideally not only introduce the topic that you'll be talking about but also contain a "controlling idea" which the essay as a whole is trying to support.

Your topic sentences should ideally not only introduce what topic you'll be discussing in a given paragraph but also explain how the "controlling idea" of the thesis is being supported.

What are possible negative consequences if this cultural pattern is not followed?

One of your next challenges will be to edit your essay for accuaracy in language, academic tone.

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